So, I’ve got my annual meeting with Hassanal Bolkiah Muizzaddin Waddaulah (the Sultan of Brunei, in case you’ve been living under a rock) coming up this weekend, and I already know it is going to suck. Every year, it is the exact same thing. We’ll both be cordial and polite at the beginning, and then once the performance reviews start, the whole thing turns into bickering.
He’ll chastise me for my poor investment strategy, and I will counter by telling him to stop cheating on his wives with pre-pubescent girls. He’ll put me in prison, and I’ll give him the silent treatment. It is the same routine every year, and I wouldn’t even go if it wasn’t for the unbelievable spread at lunch. You’ve never tasted peanut butter so good in your life! The smooth kind is like putting brown silk on a slice of bread, the chunky is made up of individually rounded peanut morsels so uniform, you’d swear that the children who made them were being beaten for any mistakes.
I guess the reason I get so defensive every year is that he really has no standing to question my finances. He inherited $40 billion from his father, and has managed to turn that fortune into $10 billion. Excuse me, Hassan, of the two of us, which one has blown $30 billion? I started with nothing; I used to live in a house with 6 people because I couldn’t afford my own place. Look at me now, I live in a house with 3 people - so I’m doing twice as well as before. Clean up your own back yard, H, you tend to your business, I’ll tend to mine.
Arrogant sultan
I’ll eat your peanut butter
But no sermons please